


Maybe It's Just You

by gaygeekgirl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Comfort/Angst, Destiel - Freeform, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Roommates, almost homophobia, and they were ROOMMATES, no present/explicit abuse tho, oh my god they were roommates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-14
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2019-03-31 05:40:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13968543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaygeekgirl/pseuds/gaygeekgirl
Summary: First day of freshman year.Good college, nice scholarship. Cas is satisfied. That is, until he discovers his roommate apparently doesn't like that he kisses boys.Dean has daddy issues and is paying his way through college. He likes his new roommate. But when he discovers that Cas is gay, he doesn't know what to think.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Playlist of songs I was listening to while writing or that remind me of this fic [here](https://open.spotify.com/user/jehx5/playlist/6gS0KfzxIZNEPnBFYdYzRj?si=vtuxS1YuQXqqdu5K367DNg)
> 
> Disclaimer: I've never actually been to college...
> 
> Warnings:  
> There will be mentions and descriptions of past child/teen abuse, but it isn't currently happening to any of the main characters and the story won't go into too much detail, it will just deal with the aftermath of it a bit.  
> There's also descriptions of homophobia, but it isn't violent or directly attacking, just internalized and Dean is confused about what to make of Cas's sexuality. The only serious homophobia comes from a side character and isn't happening during the story, just mentioned/thought about.  
> Take care of yourself and remember that your mental health is more important than any fic!
> 
> I'll try to update this as often as I can, but don't expect a schedule or anything; I'm not an organized writer.
> 
> Note (June 19): I haven't abandoned this!! My computer broke and school was ending and a bunch of other shit! I'm going slow and making it good for y'all. Stay tuned!
> 
> I love you all!

_[Cas]_

When Cas arrived in his new apartment, there were already off-brand designer sneakers pushed haphazardly behind the door and the smell of coffee in the air.  He sighed, hanging his jacket on the coat hooks and setting his backpack and two boxes on the nearest chair. He had counted on having at least one more hour before he had to meet his new roommate, but it seemed that he hadn't come early enough. 

"Hello?" he called cautiously, not wanting to startle anyone. 

"Hey!" There was a rustling in the living room as if someone was getting up. 

In a few seconds, a man - Cas remembered his name was Dean from the Craigslist ad - walked into the room, holding a mug and grinning.

Cas couldn't help it - he took a sharp intake of breath. The guy was gorgeous. He had a firm, square jaw and the most beautiful green eyes Cas had ever seen. And he couldn't help scanning him quickly, noticing how his t-shirt clung to him in all the right places and his walk was adorably bowlegged. 

He shook his head.  _Snap out of it_ , he thought. 

"Castiel, right?" Dean asked when Cas didn't say anything. 

Cas blushed slightly. "Yeah, sorry. Little jetlagged. And you can call me Cas."

Dean smiled, running a hand through his hair and taking a sip from his coffee mug. "I'm Dean. Sorry if there's a bit of a mess. Just got here."

"Oh, yeah, no, it's fine." Cas fidgeted with the strap of the backpack he had just set down. "Where's my room?"

Dean shrugged. "Haven't decided yet. Figured I'd wait for you. All my stuff's still in the living room."

"Oh, great, thanks!" Cas looked around. The place was cozy and he already had ideas for making it feel more like home. 

Dean held up his mug. "Want some coffee?"

Cas shook his head. "No thanks." He pulled his keys and wallet out of the front of his backpack, slipped them into his pocket, and turned toward the door.

"Where're you going?" Dean asked, looking surprised. "You just got here."

Cas put one arm through a sleeve of his jean jacket and swung it around him. "Grocery store. What d'you want for dinner?"

Dean stared at him. "Um, I was thinking, like, order pizza, or something."

Cas wasn't  _trying_ to show off, but he was also extremely aware of the fact that Dean looked very good in his jeans. "I can make some food, if you'd like. Save money, y'know?"

Dean chuckled disbelievingly. "Listen, just come chill on the couch. You were just on a plane, dude. We can order it."

"And what are we gonna do for breakfast tomorrow if I don't go grocery shopping?" 

Dean shook his head. "Whatever you say. I'm gonna watch TV. Get me some pie, would you? I'll pay you back."

It was Cas's turn to laugh. "Alright. See you in a bit."

He was halfway out the door when he heard Dean's voice call, "Cas?"

He turned. "Yeah?"

"Actually, homemade pizza does sound great. If you're up to it - you don't have to. Either way's fine. And make it apple, ok? The pie, I mean."

"'Kay." Cas shut the door quietly behind him and smiled to himself as he walked down the hall. He wasn't sure why (he doubted Dean was gay), but even so, Dean made him happy.  

 _That's crazy_ , he told himself.  _You only talked to the guy for ten minutes._

His brain turned to pizza ingredients and apple pie and he only thought about Dean's eyes once on his errand. 

Ok, maybe twice.


	2. Chapter 2

_[Dean]_

Dean didn't quite know how he had gotten here, but he was sitting at his new kitchen table, waiting for his new roommate to pull a homemade pizza out of the oven.

When Cas slid a piece onto his plate a few seconds later, he grinned in what he hoped was a charming way, though as he was extremely tired and hungry and he didn't know how much small talk he could manage tonight.

"Thank you," he said, catching a whiff of the food and feeling his face light up. "Dude, this smells amazing. You totally didn't have to do this, but-"

Cas smiled in his gentle way and said, "It's my pleasure" in a way that made Dean blush, though he wasn't sure why. 

Cas suddenly looked thoughtful. "I do enjoy cooking, though, I think it's a stress reliever. Or something."

Dean shrugged. Personally, he wasn't too big on any kind of stress relievers except sex and beer, but no way was that admission small talk. Or any kind of talk for a roommate, he supposed, though he admittedly had never had one before. 

Neither one of them said anything for a moment, so Dean took the opportunity to take a bite of pizza.

(He would swear later that he absolutely did  _not_ stifle a moan around that bite, and Cas never argued back, just smiled knowingly.) 

Something he could admit to, however, was that it was the best pizza he'd ever had in his life, and he didn't know how to act around his new roommate, who was good at making one of Dean's favorite things (food) and bought him pie. 

Cas laughed softly. "D'you like it?"

Dean turned to him disbelievingly. "Like it? Fuck, this is amazing." He looked away. "Sorry, I just, no one's made me food since - this is - sorry, yeah, I like it."

Cas looked like he wanted to say something but, thankfully, chose not to. "I'm glad you like it." He took a bite himself and smiled. "Not enough sauce, but not bad for being the product of jetlag and anxiety, don't you think?"

Dean didn't say anything, as his mouth was full. 

After a few bites, he noticed that Cas kept glancing at his chest; the neckline of his shirt had ridden down a little. He self-consciously pulled his jacket around himself to cover the jagged white line under his collarbone. That was definitely  _not_ small talk.

When he had eaten three slices and Cas had teased him for it, he cracked open a beer and sat on the couch. 

"Where you'd even get that? I didn't get any at the store," Cas complained.

"Brought it with me," Dean replied, letting the cool liquid wash down his throat. "Can't have a new apartment without some alcohol."

Cas scowled.

"Not a drinker?" Dean asked, running a hand through his hair. 

"Only on special occasions."

"And meeting me's not enough of a special occasion?" He hadn't meant to make Cas uncomfortable with the teasing, but something about the way Cas had shifted in his seat made him stop. He changed the subject. "Did you remember the pie?"

Cas leaped up. "Oh, yeah, forgot about that. Also gonna get myself some coffee."

Dean grinned happily and took the plate from him, this time  _definitely_ letting out a moan as he closed his mouth around the fork. He'd never get tired of pie.

As he went to bed that night (Cas had let him have the room with the bigger window), he sent Sam a quick text: 

 

> _settled into aptmt. roommate is a super good cook! remember to lock ur bedroom door just in case dad comes home. say hi to jess for me. love ya bitch. :)_

Just as he was drifting off to sleep, his phone pinged with a single word message:

 

> _jerk._

He smiled and turned over in his new bed.

And if someone with blue eyes turned up in his dreams, well, in the morning he could just say it didn't happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Taking a shot at Dean's point of view. We'll see how this goes. Sorry it's so short!


	3. Chapter 3

_[Cas]_

Cas had been awake for a few hours when Dean stumbled into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes and somehow looking more adorable than ever. 

"What time is it?" he asked groggily, tugging at the neckline of his AC/DC t-shirt. 

"About 10," Cas replied, turning back to his laptop. "There's some smoothie left in the fridge if you want it."

Dean's face lit up and he immediately got it out and slurped sleepily at it, bits of blueberry sticking to his upper lip. "Whatcha doin'?"

"Reading syllabuses. Syllabi?" He shrugged. "Classes start Monday."

"What's your major?" Dean asked, pulling out a kitchen chair and plopping himself down on it. 

"English, plus a minor in Religious Studies. You?"

Dean looked surprised, but only said, "Astronomy."

"Wouldn't'a pegged you as a nerd," Cas said, grinning.

"Hey, you're the one who does Shakespeare and the Bible, I just mourn Pluto," Dean replied defensively. 

Cas chuckled and, for the first time, noticed that Dean had freckles sprinkled over his nose and cheeks.  _God, if he's straight this is gonna be torture._

"So." Dean took another slurp of his smoothie.

"Yeah?" Cas shook himself out of his reverie.

"Do we play 20 Questions?"

Cas looked away from his computer and across the table. "Excuse me?"

"Well, we gotta get to know each other somehow." Dean blushed. "Or you can stay a mysterious cook with an angel's name."

"How'd you know that?" Cas shot wonderingly at him. "No one ever knows where my name comes from!"

"Googled it last night," Dean admitted. "So, how'd you end up with the name?"

"Parents are religious freaks."

"Aah. Now you."

"Now me what?"

Dean finished the last of his smoothie. "Your turn to ask a question. Ask me anything."

Cas cocked his head, thinking. He had several important questions like,  _Was Dean gay?_ and  _When's the last time someone cooked for him?_ and _What in the hell gave him the scar on his chest?_ but he thought he'd start out more subtle, less prying. He'd only just met the guy, after all. "Do you have any siblings?"

Dean practically beamed. "Yeah, a little brother. Name's Sammy."

Cas smiled at Dean's obvious love for his brother. "How old is he?"

"Four years younger than me. He's back in Kansas. With our dad."

Cas noticed something like a shadow pass over Dean's face when he mentioned his dad, but didn't say anything. 

"How 'bout you? Siblings?" Dean asked as he walked over to the sink to rinse out his smoothie glass.

"Six." Cas grimaced.

"Six?! Dude, how do you live?" Dean shook his head. 

"Well, they're all older. Don't even know some of them," he confessed. 

"That sucks."

"Eh, it's probably for the best, to be honest."

Dean shrugged, probably not wishing to pry, which Cas was thankful for. Evidently, neither of them were gonna go into family details today. And that was fine with Cas.

"Got a girlfriend?" Cas asked, trying to be casual. He had to know, goddamnit. 

Dean laughed. "Not so much. Had one. Lisa." He shrugged. "Didn't work out. And now that I'm here for college . . . Well, it's not like the one night stands in Kansas are gonna remember me. You?"

"Not so much," Cas echoed. He didn't think he was ready to come out to him yet. Dean would find out at some point, probably soon, but something stopped him from stating it outright. 

Dean had had a girlfriend . . . He couldn't say he hadn't been expecting it; Dean reeked of straight boy.  _I suppose he could be bi_ , he thought hopefully, but then shook his head. Not likely.

He stood up, closing his computer. "Look, I know we aren't at twenty questions yet, but I was planning on going for a run, maybe check out the neighborhood. Wanna join?"

Dean laughed. "Wouldn't go running if you held a gun to my head. I'll finish unpacking my stuff, probably. Unload my records." He gestured to his shirt. "Classic rock guy, if you hadn't noticed."

Cas nodded. "Cool. Maybe when I get back we can look at the rent and bills and stuff? Figure out who's paying for what?"

"Sure. As long as you're in charge of food."

"Of course."

Once Cas was outside, he breathed in the fresh air and lamented his fate: a cute roommate with a history of one night stands and AC/DC records. And a fucking Astronomy major - who would've guessed? Adorable and pie-loving, but decidedly not gay. 

As he jogged down the street, he could've sworn he heard low singing coming from one of the apartment windows overhead. Could've just been the wind, though. 

But it didn't stop his imagination running wild: green eyes, freckles, and a soft voice singing Bon Jovi as Cas ran a hand through someone's hair. 

Could be anyone. A generic daydream. For sure. 

Cas was good at convincing himself that he wasn't totally and irreversibly fucked.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm alive and here with a tiny chapter!

_[Cas]_

By that evening, Cas had cleaned up all the breakfast/lunch dishes, discussed rent and bills with Dean (although Dean had mostly just listened and nodded), finished reading up for all of his classes, went to the bookstore to purchase textbooks, planned meals for the next few days, emailed some friends back home, and made a new friend at the coffee shop where he had gone after his run.

“You already made a friend?” Dean asked incredulously, sipping a beer from his place on the couch where he had been for at least two hours. “What did you do, walk around with a sign on your back that said, ‘Free Hugs’?”

Cas smiled. “She’s the barista at the café down the street. She took my order, I complimented her t-shirt, and we got to talking.”

“You get her number?”

Cas decided this wasn’t a good time to break _it_ to Dean, so he simply said, “Yeah, but it’s just a friend thing.”

Dean snorted. “So? What’s her name?”

“Charlie. She’s super cool-- I think you’d like her.”

_Well,_ he added silently, _if you’re ok with her being a lesbian._

“Is she single?”

Cas almost rolled his eyes. “I don’t know.” He paused. “God, what are you watching?”

“Don’t use the Lord’s name in vain, angel-boy. And it’s called _Dr. Sexy_.”

Cas raised an eyebrow.

“Look, it was on when I turned on the TV, ok? I couldn’t find anything else interesting,” Dean added hurriedly, and Cas could’ve sworn he saw a slight blush rise on Dean’s cheeks.

“Whatever you say.” Cas made his way to his room to put away his new textbooks. He was too busy deciphering what it might mean for an obviously straight man to be watching a show called _Dr. Sexy_ to remember the stutter of his heart when Dean had called him “angel-boy.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's here!! (why is my motivation dead this month) (why am I so bad at dialogue)
> 
> I have Realized(TM) that if this is their freshman year in college, then (in the US) they're not legally allowed to drink yet . . . ('cause they'd be ~18-19)  
> Let's just ignore that for the purpose of this story? Please? Dean needs his evening beer . . . 
> 
> Also: I've made a [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/jehx5/playlist/6gS0KfzxIZNEPnBFYdYzRj?si=b5ubZWnVTLSsjNXN7nK_kw) of songs that remind me of this fic or that I've been listening to while writing, so check it out (maybe listen to it while reading!):  
> 

_[Dean]_

Dean was exhausted walking home from classes that Monday. He knew he probably should have gone to bed earlier, but he had talked on the phone with Sammy until late and then the season finale of _Dr. Sexy_ was on--not that he’d ever tell Cas, but he _loved_ that show.

He wanted a nap and a cold beer and maybe some nice dinner, but Cas would probably be too tired tonight to cook, and anyway, Dean didn’t even know when Cas would be getting home.

_You shouldn’t get used to that kind of treatment,_ he told himself. _Cas was just being nice to make a good first impression._

He was pleasantly surprised, though, to arrive home and find the whole apartment smelling like _heaven_.   

“Damn, Cas, what’s this?” he asked as he threw his stuff in the corner and flopped onto the couch. He could tell Cas was grinning without even looking over.

“Pasta carbonara.”

“I assumed we’d order takeout since it’s the very first day of classes. You . . . didn’t have to do this.”

“I know.” Cas turned around from the stove and went over to the fridge. Then he looked at Dean. “I wanted to.”

Dean pretended that hadn’t made his stomach turn over and got out his phone, reading his unread messages and laughing. “Dude, I just got the weirdest wrong number. It’s just a picture of some chick doing that Star Trek greeting.”

He heard Cas put down something and walk over to the couch. “It better not be—” Cas looked over Dean’s shoulder. “Damnit, I told her not to look into my phone.”

Dean turned around, laughing. “Wait, is this the – that girl you met the other day? The barista?”

Cas sighed. “Yeah, that’s Charlie. She joked about going through my contacts to ‘make new friends’ or whatever, but I didn’t think she’d actually do it.”

Dean laughed and was interrupted by Cas handing him a cold beer.

“Oh . . . thanks,” Dean said awkwardly, taking it and reaching into his pocket for the bottle opener on his key ring. “So Charlie’s a character, then?”

Cas laughed. “You could say that.”

“She’s cute. You never said—she got a boyfriend?” Dean asked. Cas had said he and Charlie were only friends, after all. Dean took a swig of his beer. But maybe— “Unless, y’know, you guys have a thing . . .?” he asked, to make sure.

“Oh, no,” Cas said hurriedly. “Um . . . she, uh, doesn’t swing that way, if you know what I mean.”

“ _Oh_.” He hadn’t expected that.

“Yeah. Sorry.”

Dean was silent—he didn’t really know what to say. He had known people in high school who had been gay, obviously, but he wasn’t really friends with any of them. His dad wouldn’t have liked it—plus he had really only hung out with football players.

Sammy was always better at this stuff than him—knowing what to say, being respectful.

He wasn’t used to it, but he’d deal with it. Charlie was Cas’s friend, and she seemed cool.

He didn’t mean to not respond, he just got lost in thought.

 

_[Cas]_

Cas felt the silence choke him.

The timer on the microwave beeped and he rushed over, thankful for the distraction.

It reminded him of when he had come out to his parents. That . . . nothing. Just the heavy air in the room and the hands twisting in laps.

He didn’t know why this was such a big deal—it was Charlie, not him, and Dean hadn’t even said anything bad. _Yet,_ he couldn’t help adding in his head.

But then—Dean would find out about him at some point. And how Dean reacted to Charlie would determine how soon Cas would tell him.

So he waited. Turned the stove off. Drained the pasta in the sink.

Dean cracked open his beer and took a swig, messing with his phone.

“Dinner’s ready,” he announced into the room.

In a minute they were sitting down at the table, and it was almost _normal_. Though, he supposed, they didn’t really have a _normal_ yet. They hadn’t even known each other for a week.

But they were eating and Dean was complimenting his cooking which was _normal_ and Cas blushed like _normal_ and said thank you and caught Dean’s eyes for a second more than was _normal_.

And then Cas mentioned his car needed an oil replacement and Dean lit up and told Cas how he had worked as a mechanic in high school and how he’d be more than happy to do it himself. And Cas argued just to be nice but really he was thinking about Dean in a sweaty and grease-stained t-shirt (which was _normal_ , he told himself, anyone would be thinking about that).

And after Dean turned the TV on and Cas had retreated to his bedroom to do homework and stopped thinking in run-on sentences, the silence lessened a little bit.

He texted Charlie to distract himself and ignored the sick feeling in his gut that was imagining coming out to Dean. Usually, he wouldn’t care—he had taught himself to not care what people thought—but he did care about Dean. _Dean’s reaction_ , he corrected himself.

_You need to calm down._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Raise your hand if you've had this same experience--watching someone's reaction to a celebrity or other person coming out and using that to gauge when you'd come out to them . . . rip that silence.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! 
> 
> Playlist of songs I was listening to while writing or that remind me of this fic  
> [here](https://open.spotify.com/user/jehx5/playlist/6gS0KfzxIZNEPnBFYdYzRj?si=vtuxS1YuQXqqdu5K367DNg)
> 
> Tell me what you think and where you wanna see this going! I'll take suggestions!


End file.
